Quandary

I see the shimmering light, a silver lining on the dark cloud
Or is that the cloud, smothering away the last sunbeams
The tunnel is long and dark, at least I see the light at the end
Or is that the dazzling beam, atop an oncoming freight train
I always say the cup is half full, never deemed it half empty
Does it matter at all, when the cup itself is obscured?

I am no cynic, but am I an optimist?
I claim I am a realist…and yet I pen odes to life’s idiosyncrasies
This labyrinth I live in, I often know not what to make of the signs
Sometimes a step ahead, sometimes a step retraced
Perhaps I know what I am doing, my feet steadfastly on the ground
But then, my mind drifts in the clouds, unsure – but blissful

Be my silver lining, my light in darkness, my cup of hope
And reality, virtuality… nothing would matter anymore

Change@Work.com

Another lengthy pause………………………

It’s been a while, and I’ve been reflecting on nothing and everything all this time. A penny for my thoughts? No… Really… I could use a penny for each of my thoughts, a foolproof get-rich-quick scheme if there was such a thing.

I have alternately been busy working, and busy not working. The thoughts in my head are too numerous and anarchic to leave any room for assimilation into a single thread that would flow into this blog. Even now, as is apparent by the directionless wandering of this post! But work has been eventful. A long time colleague left the company last week, my boss leaves in two weeks, my buddies are switching groups and some even leaving the country – almost each one for a better deal - a better life even.

After an extended lull over the last few years, a little storm is brewing in this teacup.. and change seems to be the new mantra. All have had their reasons to stick to their stations despite the adversities, reasons that were insurmountable till recently. Someone called the period before now ‘Indentured Servitude’. Hmmm…

After all the toil in the last few years, unending work hours, shrugging off mockery that I pay rent for an apartment I rarely visit, I finally clear the cobwebs and dust off the mothballs from my antiquated resume, and I can’t think of what to add. Oh yeah, all that work I did, it might get me where I want to be. What else did I do? Sometimes this pasted smile wavers a little, and all my incredibly lame jokes and pranks at work that elicit laughter out of commiseration rather than hilarity, seem to run dry.

Maybe it IS time for change, perhaps even drastic change. I have been supremely proud and passionate of my work, but lately that drive in me feels like a plastic bag is pulled over it and its gasping for air. I dived in to the rat race with all my vigor, but sometimes I have felt like a hamster in its wheel instead, running, and running.. and not going anywhere. It has definitely not been all bad, and in fact has been quite a cultivating experience. I’ve never waited for the light to come on before, so maybe its time again for me to get up and turn on that light.

I could still use that penny though!

Life Askew

As I brood, I heave a sigh
Constantly wonder.. Why?
A life that has never lived a lie
Abruptly goes disturbed and awry
Every nerve is on a high
Feelings, thoughts.. I untie
Emotions, can they ever run dry?
Pause it, and I could cry
Stop it, and I would die

Save me..
No.. Let me be..