.......Do Me Apart
Lost soul, searching for oneself..
This would seem like the blog of an online recluse. Wide gaps of nothing - then I abruptly surface for a gasp of my virtual self, and sink back into the drudgery of the real world.
This time I’ve been hooked and reeled up, by the same bait that dragged me out the very first time, the always wicked, Ideasmith.
So I guess I’ve been tagged now. I may be the constantly morbid, heterodox, loner.. but I’ll be a sport for now. I’ll play.
So here are the rules that were specified:
- The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover.
- You need to mention the sex of the target.
- Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment on their comments saying they’ve been tagged.
- If tagged the 2nd time, there’s no need to post again.
Not my cuppa tea, this game. But what the hell!
There is no prioritizing of my eight points, which is why I will start with this one:
1. Crazy – Yup! A little bit of that element in a person goes a long way in going through long years without letting cobwebs encroach the routine of our daily lives. She has to be crazy like me. She has to be crazy enough to like me.
2. Sane – Contradiction? I think not! I did mention ‘a little bit’ of craziness would be great, but ONLY if it was the icing on a sane and logical mind. Quite surely not the other way around.
3. Witty – She does not have to dole out jokes by the hour, or be one of the three stooges all through the day. She should at least comprehend my dry sarcasm and my juvenile antics and not gape with the sound of crickets echoing all around. Indeed, my life would be a breeze with an audience of one, if it’s the one.
4. Independent – For lack of a better word. She should be able to carry her world on her own shoulders. When I know she can, I will bear all her burdens that she will let me bear, knowing I can rest when I need to.
5. Attractive – Sure.. I’m shallow! But beauty is in the eye of the beholder. When you love someone, even their most unsightly defects are their most attractive traits to your eyes. Yet, I would find it much harder to respect someone who does not take care of her own body. To me, it says a lot about her attitude, drive and discipline.
6. Respect – There is nothing that can make a relationship last as long as mutual respect can. And that respect will have to be earned, by both of us, everyday.
7. Chemistry – Not the short-lived kind (the kind I have about every five minutes on a hot summer day on the beach). The kind of chemistry that has us acting like teenagers sneaking out clandestinely, outlasting the seven year itch, the mid-life crisis, and being able to chuckle about it when we’re old and grey. The kind of passion and intensity that make those sparks into a blaze ;).
8. Love – Unconditional enough to forgive my minor transgressions (as long as I make up, and make out;)), and conditional enough to not tolerate repeating the bigger blunders. And enough of it to last a lifetime, and then some.
All this I would expect, only because all this is what I can give. Oh yeah, if you haven't noticed yet, this would be a girl.
Being a hermit has left me with far fewer than eight bloggers who I would know well enough to pass this off to. I shall live up to my reputation and bend the rules a little. So this is what I will do - I will tag one of the few faithfuls to comment on my posts, and the tag of eight can go on from there.
Here you go, you’ve been tagged!
Another lengthy pause…………
It has been a while. The last time I wrote these same words, my post was titled Change @ Work, and I ranted about the turmoil and uncertainty at my place of work and the complete state of disarray it had thrown my mind into. I had ended that post with a remark that I need to quit whining and act on it.
I did. Finally.
There have been many times in life I have found myself in whatever hole I would have dug myself into, or inadvertently stepped into, and I would claw my way up and out of it. But over time, there have been a few situations I have come across where I have hit a wall.
I always wondered why I could ‘solve’ every problem thrown my way if I steeled my will to do it, but these few left me vexed. Worse still, those few were the ones that mattered. But perhaps everything has a solution, but maybe some resolutions just don’t seem like a solution, or are simply not what was desired.
For now, I have made some alterations - hoping a drastic change of jobs, locations, routines, and daily faces would somehow disentangle those other lumpy knots in my life.
Cursed is my touch, the very air around me
I am Midas, but with ash for gold
Smother in my embrace, burn in my passion
I adore, I envelop, I devour.. I lose
All that I touch, deeper than I should
Turn to ashes that crumble in my arms
And scatter over my leaden soul
Another lengthy pause………………………
It’s been a while, and I’ve been reflecting on nothing and everything all this time. A penny for my thoughts? No… Really… I could use a penny for each of my thoughts, a foolproof get-rich-quick scheme if there was such a thing.
I have alternately been busy working, and busy not working. The thoughts in my head are too numerous and anarchic to leave any room for assimilation into a single thread that would flow into this blog. Even now, as is apparent by the directionless wandering of this post! But work has been eventful. A long time colleague left the company last week, my boss leaves in two weeks, my buddies are switching groups and some even leaving the country – almost each one for a better deal - a better life even.
After an extended lull over the last few years, a little storm is brewing in this teacup.. and change seems to be the new mantra. All have had their reasons to stick to their stations despite the adversities, reasons that were insurmountable till recently. Someone called the period before now ‘Indentured Servitude’. Hmmm…
After all the toil in the last few years, unending work hours, shrugging off mockery that I pay rent for an apartment I rarely visit, I finally clear the cobwebs and dust off the mothballs from my antiquated resume, and I can’t think of what to add. Oh yeah, all that work I did, it might get me where I want to be. What else did I do? Sometimes this pasted smile wavers a little, and all my incredibly lame jokes and pranks at work that elicit laughter out of commiseration rather than hilarity, seem to run dry.
Maybe it IS time for change, perhaps even drastic change. I have been supremely proud and passionate of my work, but lately that drive in me feels like a plastic bag is pulled over it and its gasping for air. I dived in to the rat race with all my vigor, but sometimes I have felt like a hamster in its wheel instead, running, and running.. and not going anywhere. It has definitely not been all bad, and in fact has been quite a cultivating experience. I’ve never waited for the light to come on before, so maybe its time again for me to get up and turn on that light.
I could still use that penny though!